


Bridge Over Troubled Water

by brodylover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dealfic, Hurt/Comfort, Torture, Trueform, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 13:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodylover/pseuds/brodylover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zachariah gets a hold of Dean and Castiel, trying to make Dean choose between his friend and saying yes to Michael. From Castiel's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I used to feel, so strongly and so vividly, long ago. All sorts of glorious emotion, fear, joy, sorry, jealousy, and doubt. I, as well as all my brothers, may have taken these emotions for granted, and that was very wrong. Emotions show us who we are and what we are made of.

Our father decided that we didn't need these emotions. They made us weak and disloyal. He ordered us to not feel anymore.

We obeyed.

We stopped feeling and we became closer. We never thought for ourselves, never having the need to. We could not react. We could not hate. We could love no one except for who we were told to.

We were told to love the humans and I can now see that most of my brothers failed at that.

After all of this time, I have started to feel once again and it is due to my love for the humans that my father had ordered. All of these emotions, these feelings. I do not understand them. I do see my father's point though. They have made me weak. They have made me disloyal. I am fearful and doubtful and prideful. 

But I am not disloyal to a fault. I am loyal, exceptionally loyal, to the Winchester family.

"Ah, the little traitor." Zachariah was mocking me. I knew that. I never knew why, when we were all ordered to lose our emotions, I was the only one who really seemed to get it right. All of the others, Zachariah included, still had personalities, still had anger. "How good to see you. How is it, being away from your garrison?"

We had not meant to run into my superior and, even though I had left the garrison, he was still my superior. He always will be. There had been signs of a demon attack, a big one, and Dean and I had gone to take care of it. Sam was at Bobby's. He had the flu. I still don't know what that means, other than that he must sleep on the sofa and watch copious amounts of children's cartoons. 

The cattle mutilations, the strange weather patterns, they were all fake, all done by Zachariah to lure us to him.

"It's been hard." I finally answered. I could feel Dean's eyes on me, looking into me. I almost wished he were an angel, so he could read my mind instead of try to see it in my face. I am not very good at displaying the tons of emotions I am feeling and he never asks.

"Yeah, it must be tough betraying your family for a man who can't even do what he sets out to." Zachariah was insulting Dean now, not just myself. I glared at him and clenched my jaw, that is a sign of anger, and I stepped in front of Dean slightly, showing that I would protect him if I had to. I would always protect Dean. He is my friend and he has taught me much.

"What do you want?"

"You know what I want."

I turned, looking at Dean. Yes. Zachariah wanted him to say yes. It was all he ever wanted. He wanted the apocalypse and he wanted Dean to fight on his side. No. Dean has his own side to fight on. He said he would come up with another way and I trust him.

"No." Dean said and I was glad. My faith had been put in the right place.

Then the pride left and I was instead filled with a different feeling. My vessel's heart was going too fast inside of me and my hands were sweating. Everything felt a bit less real and I couldn't feel the body around me.

Dean fell to the ground, coughing up blood. He was filled with pain. The strange feeling made me itch and it mixed with anger. That was one I knew. I wanted to kill Zachariah. How dare he hurt Dean?

Already I could see the extent of the damage that Zachariah had put him in and it just made the unnamed emotion stronger. Dean's bones were liquefying in his body, making him useless and causing him great pain.

"Stop this, Zachariah." I demanded, "Stop this or I will."

My superior actually laughed at that. I did not realize anything I had said was amusing. "I'd like to see you try, little brother."

His blade was already in his hand and he lunged at me, swiping it quickly. I was a few feet away from him though so I saw it coming, and stepped back a few times, always staying in front of Dean, as I drew my own blade from my sleeve. I had the counter attack and I thrust my blade straight towards him. Even if his vessel was older and not in great shape, my brother was in excellent condition and he fluttered out of harm's way, punching as he did.

His fist connected with my vessel's nose and I could hear it crack under his knuckles. Nothing hurt, not yet. That strange feeling and a surge of adrenaline was keeping the pain at bay for now, even though I could feel the blood dripping from a gash along the bridge. He punched again and this one knocked me to the ground, connecting with my temple.

Everything sparkled and shined as I spun, trying to pull myself off of the ground. I had a name for the feeling now, had heard about it before. I was panicking. Zachariah lunged again and I was no longer as fast as I had been, my brain not working as well since it had taken such a strong hit. I dodged the majority of his attack, but the blade still cut me, running across my chest. If I hadn't moved it would have entered my heart.

As it was, it wasn't deep, but my grace was still visible through it. I clutched it closed with my free hand, trying to ignore the fearful and pained groans of Dean behind me. I had to protect him. It was all I had left. That and the faith that he would save a world that I had no real place in.

I was getting slow. I was weakened by my emotions and they were filling my head. Maybe our father was right all along. Still, I like to feel, they give me my own meaning and my own thoughts.

I dodged Zachariah's next strike, but almost tripped over Dean and my superiors next strike followed so closely behind it. It caught me in the gut and I grabbed a hold of Zachariah, my grace almost spilling out of me. It was so deep, even if it weren't a vital strike, it hurt. I dropped my own blade it was so bad.

Zachariah was smiling and through the pain I could feel him twisting. This wasn't a death strike. He wasn't trying to turn it into a death strike. He just wanted me to be in pain. I didn't understand. Zachariah is an angel, he doesn't care about vengeance or petty squabbles, he cared about results. This wasn't helping him though.

This was just pain for pains sake.

He punched me in the jaw, cracking it and knocking me off of his blade. I landed before Dean's body and could feel the heat radiating from him, even without touching him. The blood and fluid in his body was causing it to heat up painfully and dangerously. If he didn't cool down soon, I doubt his body would be able to stand it.

"So, Dean," Zachariah knelt before the both of us, ignoring me as he gripped Dean by the hair, lifting him painfully. I grabbed my fallen blade. "I can stop this, you know that. I can make a deal with you. Bring back mom and dad, the whole shebang. You know what it is I want to hear."

Dean made a gurgling sound through all of that blood but I knew what he was trying to say. It was not yes.

I slammed the hilt of my blade into Zachariah's gut, forcing him to fall back before I dragged myself to my feet.

"Screw you." I translated, throwing my blade.

If I had been stronger, had I been better able to fight him, had I not been caked in blood, I would have killed him there. Instead, my emotions wavered. Zachariah was still my brother, after all. The blade stuck in his shoulder and he pulled it out without much worry. I could still see his grace though.

An old feeling was coming through me now, one that I was feeling more and more often. Zachariah approached me and I fell to my knees, my body not able to support myself. He drew out my blade and held it to my throat. I realized that I was in a worshiping position but I did not care. That sensation of panic was gone, as was the adrenaline, and now all I felt was exhaustion and pain.

"Dean." Zachariah still wasn't paying any attention to me, even though he could easily kill me. The cuts hurt as if they were on fire and I wanted them to be quiet. "What do you think? Still want to say no?"

I turned, breathing heavily. My eyes wanted to shut but I kept them open, staring into Dean's pain filled, bright green eyes. 'Don't say yes.' For all of our sakes, I could not bear him to say yes.

His body spasmed and he coughed up some more blood. I reached for him, wanting to comfort, wanting to pour my grace into him to keep him strong.

"Sorry." Zachariah said, still mockingly, "I couldn't understand that. Here, let me help you."

Dean sat up, the blood gone; his bones back to how they were. At least there was that.

I didn't have to worry about us both hurting.

'Don't say yes. Not after everything we've been through.'

"No." Dean said.

I looked back at Zachariah, whose smile had vanished. "Fine."

He made a fist and again Dean was screaming, clutching at his gut this time. "I know, I know. Stomach cancer? Again? But then again, the pain here isn't so bad that you can't talk to me."

He paused and his beady eyes looked down at me. I didn't know what he was planning. What was so important about me? I was too tired, too hurt to fight against him.

"How about I give you a choice?" his blade disappeared and he held onto my face, forcing my eyes onto him. He had his attention on Dean though. I wasn't important at all. "You can say yes and I'll let your angel live, heal him up, good as new, and you'll get everything else I promised too, Mommy and Daddy and Cassy make three. Or you can say no and I'll take your little angel action figure away with me?"

I could feel Dean's eyes on me, but I didn't know what they looked like. All I could see were the beady eyes in front of me.

"You bastard!" he groaned, "How dare you drag him into this!"

I thought on his words, thought hard, but I could not make sense of them. I was not important, not to him or to his cause. I was weak and dishonest, flawed too much. I was not something that he should have cared about. I was not his family. So why these words? Why that inflection?

"Dean. Don't say yes. Please. We have come too far. I need you to say no." I said, "I will go with him. It is nothing."

I winced, Zacharciah digging his nails into my face, pressing against my cracked jaw, "No, Cas. You don't get to help decide."

"Fine." Dean said, "Fine. Take him. I won't say yes. Not now, not ever."

Finally, Zachariah released my face, instead, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me to my feet. We were both turned, looking down at Dean and I noticed the pain in the human's eyes. Zachariah waved his hand, removing the ailments in Dean's body, but the pain was still there. It was green trapped in a sea of red. It was an emotional pain.

"I am not your family Dean." I said, but that only seemed to make it worse, "Do not worry about me. I am not someone you should waste your time on trying to save. Thank you for saying no. Thank you for teaching me so much. Goodbye."

"No! Cas, I promise! I'm going to find a way to save y-!" Dean shouted but we were gone. I could only just hear the echoes of his words. I wondered why he had said them.


	2. Bridge Over Troubled Water 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of the angels want to make deals, Alexias wants Cas out of Heaven and Gabriel wants something too.

Everyone needs something constant in their life, something to keep them grounded. For me, it's my baby. She's always been there for me, even before she was mine. When Sammy ran away for two weeks, I would escape the hard glares from Dad with her. When Sammy got so smacked up on blood that he couldn't think straight, she was there for me. When Dad died and I couldn't stand myself, she let me beat her and still remained for me. She is constant and she is home. She is mine and I am hers.  
But she's not comforting me now. I am sitting on her hood, her heat coming through my jeans, she's trying to comfort me and I love her for it, but it doesn't work. I've had five beers and a third of a bottle of whiskey by now, yet I'm needy for more when I see Sammy walk towards me with a six pack in hand.  
"Hey." Sammy says as he hands me the liquid bliss and climbs onto my baby. His shoes are filthy. Good. I can wash her later, and wax her. Maybe it will take my mind off of that idiot.   
"Hey."  
"You okay?"  
I hand him the six pack, but keep one to myself, opening and draining it in one go. "Ah. I'm fine"  
"Dean." I glare at him. I hate it when he says my name like that, as a full statement. I always know what he's going to continue with. "You can talk to me. I know you're not okay. Keeping this in isn't going to help."  
"No chick flick moments." I rubbed my eyes. Man I was tired. I hadn't slept in the past three days, spending as much time as I could looking up ways to help that feathery bastard get out of Heaven, or sit out here and try not to think about him.   
I was such an idiot. I should have said yes. I shouldn't have let Zach take him away. It was all my fault. Everything was.  
Cas was an angel. He had a job to do. I ruined that. I forced him to fall, made him feel things. Made him do things he would never have done. I made it possible for him to hurt. Now, he was being punished for my sins, possibly for the second time.  
He never did tell us what happened when he had been dragged back to Heaven the first time, when we'd been left with the blubbering mess that was Jimmy Novak. I knew it couldn't have been good though. It was more than just a stern talking to. Anna had said it was worse than Hell up there. Seeing how Cas had changed his mind, had been even more dutiful to Heaven then he had been in months, it must have been true.  
And I put him back there. I let Zach do whatever he wanted to Cas. My angel was being tortured for my own dumbass faults.  
"Look. We've done this before. Whenever you're hurting, you don't let me in, and it gets bad. It gets really bad. Gordon bad. I'm not leaving until you've talked about it, until you're okay."  
I glared at him, a bit meaner than I meant to. I always do.   
"It's fine. You can tell me. I know you love Cas."  
Wait what? No. I do not love Cas. First off, he's a dude! Secondly, he's a nerdy dude with wings! Thirdly, no no no, I would never love Cas, he was too weird, too sterile.   
"He's family." Sam clarified, "You've never said it but I know that you feel he's family. I feel the same way! He's a new little brother, a better little brother. Don't fight me on this, Dean. I lie, I've betrayed you, I'm untrustworthy. He's completely trusting in you. He protects you like I should. He looks up to you. He's got all of the qualities you wish I had."  
"Sammy…"It was true in a way, but not fully. Not at all. I love Sammy, way more than Cas.   
"Dean, it's okay. I know you'll always love me and take care of me. Hell, you'd do anything for me. But you'd do that for Cas too."  
There's no way I am getting out of here without talking. I know that. I take another beer and drain it, thinking. What can I say?  
"Cas is up there because of me, Sammy. It's all my fault." I hesitate, shocked at how my voice is cracking and damn it I am not going to cry. I am not. "He's in Heaven and he's probably being tortured or something awful and it's. It's all my fault. And the worst thing is, he smiled. I said no to Zach, no to Michael, and Cas just smiled at me, like he was glad they were taking him away."  
Sam looks away from me and I can freaking well see the gears turning in his freakish head. "He was proud, Dean. He was proud of you for not giving in."  
AC/DC starts playing and I pull out my phone, answering it before checking who it is.  
"Yeah?"  
"There's a Jehovah's Witness at the door here, trying to sell me his goddamn religion." Bobby said, "You want me to send him out to you?"  
A Jehovah's Witness? Yes! If I have any chance of contacting someone in Heaven, some way to get Zach down here so I could say yes and save Cas's feathery ass, it would be this guy.  
"Yeah, send him out."  
Bobby hangs up and I let Sammy in on what's going on. When the Witness finally shows up he looks squeamish, small and scared in a suit too big for him. Maybe he's heard about us. Maybe he thinks we're going to hurt him.  
"Oh God! It's you! You're the. The Winchesters!"  
"Yeah, you were looking for us, right?"  
"No! Well, uh, yeah, I guess. Not exclusively. I was just canvassing, doing my job! The angel told me, told all of us, to keep an eye open for you, but that's all!"  
"The angel? Good! I want to talk to him."  
"He wants to talk with you too. He said that he has something of yours. He wants to make a deal. Trade for it."  
A deal? I turn to Sammy, who shakes his head. "No. You said it yourself. No more deals."  
"This is Cas, though, Sammy! I'm not saying yes, I won't, but why not at least hear what he has to say? If anything, we can find out something about what's going on up there."  
Sammy sighs.  
The Witness kneels in the dirt, head bowed, and hands together. Unlike the last one I had run into, this one prayed silently, his mouth moving with the words.   
I reach into my baby, pulling the angel blade out from where it sat on the passenger seat. It was Cas's and it still has Zach's blood on it, sticky and gross now. I hide it in my jacket. I don't know if I can use it. 'The only thing that can kill an angel is another angel.' That's what Cas said when he finally told us about what had been killing his garrison and what had happened to Uriel. I am no angel. I'm a poor excuse of a human as well. Maybe though, maybe the blade will work regardless of who's using it?  
From behind the Witness there is a bright flash, like a light bulb burning out from too many volts and then it fades. In its place is an angel. Not Zach, an angel. Like, golden curls and rippling muscles and big blue eyes, angel. The only things missing were the armor and the flaming sword, which here, had been replaced with bright swimming trunks and a more than healthy tan. This angel was a surfer dude.  
The Witness darts off when his prayer is answered, as if he's afraid of getting smited. The angel just smiles at him before approaching us.  
"I'm sorry, who are you supposed to be?"  
"Ah, yes. The Winchesters. I bet you were expecting Zachariah. He is… busy. I am his peer, Alexias."  
"Where's Cas?"  
"Heaven. I thought you knew that. I want him out. Let's skip the part where I ask you to say yes to Michael and you flat out say no and continue with negotiations that will actually lead somewhere."  
He's not here for me to say yes? I mean, that's good, it's not like I would, but really? That seems to be the only note these feathery bastards can get through their brains, but he actually doesn't want to bring it up?  
"What do you want then?" Sammy asked.  
"Trust me; I want you to say yes, to go into your roles. I just know that there's no chance you will. I know you want Castiel back and I really don't want him in Heaven. He's a bad influence, you see. But I can't just give him to you. I need something in return to make my superiors happy."  
"And that is?"  
"There is a demon over in Pennsylvania. His name Is Baal. He's been harvesting souls, not killing anyone, just tempting, tarnishing. A large percent of his profits are coming to us, you see. I want you to give your word that you will not seek him out, you will not kill him."  
"And on your end?"  
"I'll get Castiel off the rack."  
Off the rack? So they were torturing him. I can't help but think of Hell, of all the torture I had received as well as dished out. The pain and the joy of it. I knew that was a cake walk in comparison to what Cas is going through.   
"I'm sorry, but that's not going to be possible."   
I glare at Sammy. Of course it is! On the list of impossible, that's not even a footnote!   
"I can't promise that if we run into this Baal guy, that we'll have the opportunity to leave him alone. We may be forced to kill him in self defense."  
"I understand, really, I do and I find that adequate. I cannot expect you to swear that you will allow a demon to kill you. As long as you give your word you will do your best not to harm him, that is enough for me."  
I step forward. "Fine. We give you our word. Now what, we kiss? How do we seal this?"  
Alexias snaps his fingers and I knew that his side of the bargain had come through. I can feel it in me, my muscles relaxing slightly.   
"Now then, that was pretty easy." Alexias continues, "Now then, I can get Castiel out of Heaven and this is an even easier bargain. I'll allow him to leave the host and return to you of his own accord if you give me your amulet."  
My fingers rest on my sternum, where my necklace used to hang. I had gotten rid of that ages ago, when Cas gave up on finding God. He said it was worthless. I'm still angry with myself for throwing it away. Sammy had given it to me when we were just kids. It reminded me of when we were younger, but not much more innocent.  
"It's gone. I would, but I threw it away."  
Alexias looks passed me, over to Sammy. I look over my shoulder to see his rifling through his pockets. No. I don't want him to have saved it. Not like this. If he had saved it and had hidden it all this time, then, that's just another lie. I'm so tired of Sammy lying to me.   
"Sammy…"  
"Sorry Dean. It's just. I know you loved this thing and you just threw it away. I was going to tell you when you stopped being mad about it."  
He holds it out. I take it, a bit more harshly then a should, and gaze at it. It looks the same, no damage. Sammy is so good at taking care of things.  
I hold it out to Alexias. "Here. Now let Cas go."  
Once again he snaps his fingers. This time I don't feel more relaxed but the clouds part with a glowing surge of lightning. There's a burst of it, high up in the sky and it's almost blinding. Once I can open my eyes I can see a figure, way far away, too far to tell what it is, but I know instinctively. Cas is so far off he is only a dot in the sky and he is in freefall.   
"You bastard. He's falling!"  
"Yes, well, we haven't negotiated that bit yet, have we?" Alexias put my necklace in the pocket of his swimming trunks. "Now then, last part. I can give Castiel his grace back, his ability to heal and fly, but that one's going to be a bit harder."  
I can't take my eyes off of Cas. He's falling so fast. There's no wa I can save him, even if I drove the Impala at her top speed I can't make it in time. Cas is going to land with a loud splat.  
Yes, whatever it is, yes.  
"What do you want?"  
"I want Gabriel. Castiel mentioned that you'd met him, he said a lot of things on that rack. I know you know him. I want to know where he is. That's not so hard is it? From what he said, it sounds like you hate the guy."  
"Oh I do. I really did. I'd give him to you for free." It's true too. I hate Gabriel. I hate him for what he did to Sammy, killing me over and over again. Being stuck in tv land? That was kind of fun, but it was still too long and what he did to Cas was unforgivable.   
"Only one problem." Sammy said, "We don't know where he is."  
I glance from one of them to the other; it's true. I wish for it not to be true so badly, but it was.   
Alexias sighs and I know that he believes us. Still, he shrugs his shoulders and apologizes, saying that he can't do anything for us if that's the case. I try not to react as I see another flash of lightning behind the feathery douche bags shoulder, way far off. There is another speck by the one that's falling, but it's moving faster before connecting and, in a blink of an eye, they vanish.  
"Well, that's the only thing I have to trade Castiel for. If you are sure, and you are sure."  
We both nod.  
"Then that's all I have left. I'll be seeing you boys."  
And he was gone.  
I turn to Sammy. "Did you see that?"  
"Yeah."  
We race to the house. We may not know where Cas has vanished to or what it was that snatched him, but the first thing was letting Bobby in on what happened and, of course, research.   
"Bobby?" I call out. He isn't where he usually is, further deep into the house.  
I'm not sure if something's going on or not, but it smells like blood and ozone. I keep Sammy behind me and draw the angel blade from where I had been hiding it. It was the only weapon on me and surely it would work on other things than angels.   
Bobby's chair sits next to the couch and he leans forward, stroking a huddled mess that lay upon it. Beside him stands Gabriel.   
"You." Sam says.  
Gabriel turns and smiles his thin smile, but it is more tired and sad than usual.  
"Boys! I heard you were going to sell me out to the big bossman! So, in order to thank you for that, I brought you a gift!"  
He motions to the bloody and unmoving lump.  
"Cas?"  
I try not to run to his side. I try not to cry as I look down at him. I try not to grab one of the people near me, the people I love, and beat the crap out of them. I try not to run away. I try not to throw up.  
There's hardly anything of Cas left. His skin and flesh has been scraped away and I can see his skull sticking out through his face. The eye there is missing. His lips, those pink, soft lips, have been sewn shut. There is blood everywhere. His ribs are broken and exposed, gashes carved in. On closer inspection the cuts look like sigils. His legs are broken every few inches. Luckily for all of us he's so unconscious that his ragged breathing doesn't move to hurt him.  
Sammy runs out of the room, runs into the bathroom and we can hear him throwing up.   
"Weak stomach, huh?" Gabriel says.  
"Shut up."   
"I'm sorry Dean, but this may just be where I stop helping. I brought him here for you but, look, if I give him my grace, heal him up, no, that would be no good. The angels, they'd hear it and they'd all be right here. I can't go back there."  
"So, why are you still here?"  
"That's up to you, Michael Knight. See, I can help a little bit, but just a little."  
"Stop stalling."  
"I have a deal to make with you."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last chapter. Cas has demon blood in him and is in really horrible shape, but Gabriel lets them see his true form so that they can actually do something about it/

"What happened to him?" Dean asked, falling to Castiel's side.  
"Zachariah." was all The Trickster, Gabriel, replied.  
Dean reached down, almost wanted to touch his friend. He didn't though, he didn't know the extent of the damage and he didn't want to hurt Cas any further.  
"What's it with you guys and deals, anyway? I thought that was a demon thing."  
"Normally. But I need something and you need something. Why not trade for it?"  
"What are you offering?"  
Gabriel looked down at his broken and bleeding brother and the smile was gone from his face. Instead, he looked pained, as if the shape of Cas hurt him as well.   
"This damage you are seeing, it's only aesthetic. The torture actually went much deeper. I cannot save him. If I use any of my grace to heal him, Zachy boy's men will find us. I can show you his real form though, you can see and help fix him up."  
Sam returned from the bathroom, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked ragged, uneasy, and why shouldn't he be? This was their friend on the couch, but he was shattered, torn, completely broken. It was hard for any of them to look at him in this condition, sickeningly hurt. Dean could only do it by focusing on small parts of him at any time.   
"This is a deal for Sam though." Gabriel turned, looking over at the larger Winchester, "I need your help, Sammy boy."  
Sam stopped, staring at Gabriel, trying to keep his eyes off of Cas as much as he could.   
Out of nowhere, he pulled out a pair of sunglasses and started chewing on the earpiece. It was strange to see, normally that would be candy in his mouth.  
"You know how you can't look at the sun because it's too bright? Our grace is the same way. But these will make it possible for you to look at our grace for short bouts of time."  
"And in exchange?" Sam asked.  
The sunglasses vanished, being replaced with a scroll. He tossed it over to Sam, "I need this carved into my wings."  
Sam unrolls it. It doesn't seem too hard. It's a simple enough sigil, a curved line inside of a circle, Enochian symbols wrapping around the outside.   
"What does this do?"  
"It'll hide me. The Enochian on my ribs helps, but it doesn't completely hide me as an archangel. The ones I have carved into my wings are almost healed over. It's been a long time since I've run into a human born of Hell. You're the only one who can help me."  
"Fine." Sam looked to Dean, "You want to do this? I'm all for it."  
Dean nods. He's pretty much unable to speak. His mind reels with thoughts of Cas, of what must have happened to him, and his own experience of Hell. He could taste his own blood in his mouth. He had to focus, had to stay here. If he lost his concentration, he might just slip back there. If he had a flashback of Hell, it wouldn't help anyone.  
Hell, he could end up hurting Cas a lot more than he already was.  
Gabriel was holding three sets of sunglasses. He handed a pair to each of them and they put them on. Only then did he raise his arm and the bright grace spilled into the house. The human's squinted, even through the dark lenses.   
The Trickster looked about the same, just a bit elongated and a lot more elegant. His eyes were gold and they shined and glowed brighter than anything else about him. There were signs of armor along his body, shin guards and gauntlets. Not as much as has been pictured through history. From his back were three pairs of long, tawny wings, which sparkled within the glowing.   
He'd had a face transplant. There was a lot he was hiding, even when he was showing himself to the hunters. He called forth a chair with a snap of his fingers as well as a lollipop, which he immediately shoves into his mouth, falling into the chair backwards. He unfurled his wings, them taking up a large part of the room, in front of Sam.   
Cas was a completely different story. He glowed much brighter and Dean could only look at him for a few minutes at a time. He looked nothing like his vessel, even if it weren't for the damage. He had three heads, one of a man, one of a hawk, and one of a panther. They were all lacerated and cut to pieces. His human face had maybe been handsome, but it was beaten to a pulp on one side. His arms were slashed and skin had been shredded off of them, but they were muscular, much more so than the nerdy vessel he commonly used. His legs were the same way. His wings were burnt and twisted husks, falling to his sides as black lumps and shattered bones. His ribs were exposed to the air, Enochian symbols carved into them. His organs were on display as well.   
The wounds matched pretty well with those on his vessel, but there were chains on this body. They were thick and heavy, Enochian burned into it. It reminded Dean of when Sam had been possessed by Meg, she had burned a binding seal into his flesh. There was no lock on these chains; it must have been something like that.  
"Why isn't he healing himself?" Dean asked, looking over at Loki. Sam was hunched behind him, drawing the sigils onto his wings with charcoal before carving into them. Perfectionist.  
"He still has his Grace." Gabriel explains, "That's the only thing that's keeping him alive right now. But it's stuck inside of him. Zachariah was really thorough. He can't do anything with his Grace except stay alive and even that's difficult."  
Dean put his hand on the human forehead, hissing as he felt it. It was cold, far too cold, and clammy.   
"Bobby. I need you to make a fire. He's too cold."  
Bobby nodded, his face pale. He'd been quiet this whole time, just trying to keep himself from throwing up or sobbing. With a job though, he was able to get a grip on himself. He wheeled over to the fireplace, pushing some of the wood he kept beside it in before lighting it.   
"Keep the poker in the fire, would you?" Dean asked and Bobby obeyed. The only way that they had gotten Meg out of Sam's body had been to destroy the sigil she had burned into his body. He felt it would be the same for these chains.   
Dean leaned his back on one side of the couch, pushing it as hard as he could. Cas needed to warm up, and fast. After that, he could see to patching him up as best he could.   
Cas wasn't alone though in this form. Dean could sense it. As he touched his forehead, there had been a shock of coldness and it seemed especially dark. It was in the way he smelled as well. Even through all of the blood he could smell Cas. It was a light scent, detergent and a summer breeze. He smelled that, surely, but he could also smell sulfur and carbon. It smelled like Hell. It smelled like Alastair.   
Without asking Gabriel about it, he pulled out his flask of holy water. He dabbled a little bit of it into his hand, not wanting to hurt Cas any more than necessary in case there was a reaction. He dripped it onto Cas's still body and it started to smoke, horrible.  
"What is this?" he ordered, turning back to Gabriel. Sam had begun to carve and the archangel was gritting his teeth against it. It didn't seem too painful though, just a bit scratchy and uncomfortable. "He's reacting to holy water like a demon."  
Gabriel's eyes went down. He looked like it hurt him to even think about it. "Zachariah thinks of everything. He's our harshest interrogator. He's the one that learned what happens if demon's blood get's into an angel's body. It makes a mess. We can't move and it, it hurts. It's about the worst thing that we can have happen to us."  
Demon's blood. So that's the problem.   
Dean pulls the poker from the fire, being careful not to touch the red tip. He carefully presses it against the chain, cutting through one of the characters. The chain cracks where the sigil's been broken and Cas gasps, waking up as the chains fall off.  
Suddenly, his unmoving body woke up. He was shuddering and shaking, his one remaining eye opening and staring up at Dean. It was even more blue than usual and glowed ethereally.   
"D'n?" he gasped.   
Dean forced a smile onto his face, more for Cas's sake then his own. "Hey, man. I've got you, don't worry."  
There was so much pain in that eye, Dean wanted him to just go back to being unconscious, but there was fear in there.   
"You. You didn't. Please. You didn't." There were tears rolling down the angel's bloodied cheek.  
"No. Cas, I didn't say yes. They just wanted some small favors. I won't say yes, Cas. Never."  
He swallowed hard and tried to turn his face away from his mortal friend, muffled cries strangling him.   
"Bobby…" Dean turned away from Cas, back to his foster father, "I don't know what to do."  
Bobby sprung to life. Looking over Cas's body as if it were anyone else's, as if it didn't break his heart to see the pain and destruction that lay there. He rolled off instead, shouting over his shoulder as he went, "First we'll sew him up. Get all the little nasties out of the goddamn way."  
Dean was reaching for Cas, who was breathing heavily, fingers broken and twisted. Dean took his hand, being careful not to touch the lengthy fingers, wrapping his smaller, freckled fingers, around his palm.   
"I'm not going to leave you Cas. I'm never going to let them take you away like that again, okay?"  
Cas nodded.  
Bobby returned a few minutes later, two bottles of whiskey in his lap along with suturing wire and a curved needle. He handed one bottle to Dean, who took a swig before holding it over the wounds in Cas's legs. He waited though, watched as Cas cried out, Bobby pulling his human head upward so that he could pour the other bottle into the broken angel. It wouldn't get him drunk, it took him six shots in rapid succession to even feel like he was drinking anything, but maybe it would dull the pain a bit.   
Dean poured some alcohol over the wounds and Cas screamed, but he couldn't move, the demon blood paralyzing him. Dean ignored him though, he couldn't be distracted by seeing the pain he was inflicting. He didn't want to go back to Hell, now least of all. Back then he would have loved to have the angel on his own rack and he did not want to see what he would do if he felt himself back there.   
Dean sewed him up as fast as he could, trying not to notice the whimpering of his friend. Once that was done, he touched the swollen masses in his legs, where the bones had been broken. Bobby was undoing his belt, pushing it into all of Castiel's mouths to keep him from biting off his tongues. Dean grunted and cracking the bones, forcing them to go closer to where they belonged. Cas was screaming and begging, even through the gags and Dean was having a hard time staying there in the present.   
He stood up, looking back at Cas's face. "I'm sorry Cas. I… I have to take a break. I want to take care of you. I want to make you okay, but I can't. I just. I'm sorry."  
"Dean!" Bobby ordered.  
"I can't help it, Bobby. I'm about to break. It's just… this is Hell, right here. If I fall into an episode right now? I'm sorry."  
Dean marched off, trying to leave the room. Cas spat out the belt as he tried to go. "Don't. Leave me. Dean. Please."  
He paused, turning back to his friend. Everyone was watching him now. He sat on the arm of the couch, feeling useless.  
"I promised I wouldn't leave you, didn't I?"  
Cas stared at him with that strange, unblinking blue eye.   
"I can't help. I'll stay though. I'll do what I can."

A few hours later they had fixed Cas as much as they could. His body was still a mess, but now it was much cleaner, put back in the right order, and a lot of the mess was hidden with bandages. He still wasn't able to move though and whenever he took too deep of a breath shudders would course through him in agony.   
Gabriel was stretching his wings, threatening the chaotic order of papers and books around Bobby's place. Now that his wings had been carved into he couldn't take his eyes off of Cas. It was clear that he wanted to help, but he knew that he couldn't. It wasn't just that the host would find him; it was that he doubted Cas would even accept his help. They were too distant now. Thousands of years apart.   
"What do we do?" Sam asked him, finally able to look at the angel without gagging, "About the demon blood, I mean."  
"Nothing." Gabriel sighed, snapping his fingers. The sunglasses vanished from their faces and the brightness of the Grace was gone as well. The two nonhumans looked as they always did, wings and extra heads and glowing gone. Sam wished he'd been able to look at it longer, been able to study it instead of hastily work around it. "There's no spell to get rid of it. The only thing you can do is wait. It should take about a week for the stuff to pump out of his system."  
"Wait? You have to be joking. Look at him!" Dean was exasperated, holding Cas's bandaged hand in one hand, his shoulder in the other. Cas was whimpering quietly under his touch.  
"Just a second," Sam thought out loud, pointing at Gabriel without even thinking about it, "What about a blood transfusion?"  
Gabriel's mouth twitched, moving from one side to the other as if he were chewing something, his eyes looking around as if he were trying to figure out what that something was.   
"It could speed up the process sure, but you can't use your own blood, Sammy. It's already tainted. It wouldn't do much."  
"It's Sam. Not Sammy."  
Dean looked down at the angels flushed face below him.   
"What about mine?" he asked.   
"Should work." Gabriel shrugged before snapping his fingers and vanishing.  
"So what," Bobby rolled his eyes, "you're going to bleed yourself? I don't need two of you out of commission."  
"You have a better idea?"  
"Guess not."  
Bobby rolled off once again, gathering supplies. Meanwhile the brothers shifted to either side of Cas, Dean getting his shoulders and Sam grabbing his legs, lifting and carrying him to the floor, right in front of the fire. He held back a scream and it came out as a whine.   
It was only then that they noticed the deep whip marks in his back, but those would heal up on their own as his Grace became usable once more.   
Dean pushed some pillows under one of Cas's arms, hoisting it up a bit. Bobby returned with a bowl and everything else that they would need.   
"D'n?" Cas looked to Dean, confused and bewildered, so exhausted he could hardly stay awake, "What. You doing…"  
"Don't worry, Cas. I know you've got some bad blood in you. We're just going to get rid of it. It's okay, you can have mine."  
If he'd been able to, Dean was sure that he would have shaken his head, told him not to. But Dean was tired of Cas always taking charge, of telling him what to do. For once, he was going to do what he felt was right to save Cas.  
"Dean."  
Sam cut Cas first, sliding a silver blade along the vein's in his elbow. The blood oozed out, too dark and thick to be his natural blood. The toxins dripped into the bowl. Everything, especially the blood, hurt so much that Cas didn't even notice the pain of the knife going through his flesh.   
Dean situated himself behind Cas, resting the angel's head in his lap.   
"It's okay, Cas. You can go to sleep now if you want. We're here for you. We won't let anything happen to you." Dean cooed. Sam wasn't sure of him, he'd never seen Dean act like this.   
The older Winchester pushed the needle in himself, cursing as he did, and his blood started pumping through the plastic tube. It was already tied off so that none of the blood would be wasted, and there was another needle attached to the other side, making it a perfect straw from one body to the other.   
He found Cas's vein and quickly untied the tube, shoving the needle into his friends arm as quickly as he could. He didn't want to lose a single drop of blood in the transaction.  
"Too." Cas's eye was weakly looking up at Dean. He was about to fall asleep, "Too good. To me."  
"I'm horrible to you." Dean chuckled, "I'm just trying to make up for it."


End file.
